Mother’s Day is difficult for many of us. I use to say “I don’t like Mother’s Day.” Ok, that’s a pretty bold statement. I am a Mother how can I not like Mother’s Day? For many women like myself this holiday can be painful. My mother and I haven’t spoke to her in nearly two years. I haven’t seen her in nearly four years. My mother and I never had a close relationship. She’s a narcissist and struggles to be the parent I need. A few years ago, I decided for my own mental health I needed to create a firm boundary with her. This required me to cut off the relationship if it required anything but written communication.
In my therapy practice, I have see women of all ages who struggle with mother abandonment. I bet they would agree when I say Mother’s Day, along with many other occasions, are painful. We are reminded of what we don’t have on this day. When other friends are posting pictures with their mom’s, many of us wish we had a moment of that goodness.
Well, you may think, you need to get over it! True, we need to learn how to create our own support person, an “adopted mom.” I have found this very helpful. This can be a person you can appreciate on Mother’s Day with a thank you note or brunch. For women who have children, like myself, savor those moments. Moments with our children help break the cycle for pain our mother has created and this is very important.
In Susan Forward’s book, “Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters” she states, "We need to let go of the idea that our parents are supposed to love us unconditionally, not every parent has the ability to do this.” This new thought pattern can assist use in moving forward. It takes time and patience, but we can work through the pain.
As Mother’s Day approaches, it is important to start planning how you will spend Mother’s Day. Get together with friends who may not celebrate. Take a yoga class. Plan a hike. Plan a road trip. Get out and do something. Make your own memory and tradition for Mother’s Day. Send positive energy to your mother, wherever she may be. It’s good for your soul.
If you would like to work on issues you may have with your mom, give me a call!